Having just got paid I headed toward Texas street,
money in my pocket, thirsty for beer, and on the prowl for
adventure. The first thing I did was buy a can of Hite stout, you
know, the Korean dark beer that has that Irish, well, that
Irish, well, okay, there is nothing Irish about it, except it
kinda looks like Guiness on a dark night after you have already
drunk about a dozen of them............So anyways the first thing I
noticed was a group of American sailors all dressed in white. One of
the guys was really excited; he ran to his friends waiting outside
of some dark alley, and excitedly motioned for them to follow him.
"Alright!" one of them said as they eagerly followed. I had to
follow them as well! Now I have been to back streets in Mexico City,
Bangkok; my mind was filling with thoughts of dark places; what
could this dark alley possible hold to make those sailors so
excited? After winding through the narrow walls I found out. It was
white, it lit up the dark alley, it was a........... well, it was
just an old urinal. My mind quickly got out of the gutter and I
found myself back on the main drag.
I walked past a small shop with a pretty Philippina
girl outside. "Phone cards!" she called out as I passed by. Wow!
What excitement! That is what I wanted, a phone card? I turned
around and looked at her. The shop was empty. She looked
discouraged. I gave her a piece of advice. "You should get a monkey"
I said. She looked surprised. "Why"? I walked closer to her table.
"Because, if you said "do you want to see a monkey?" then that would
attract business! Think of all the other phone card sales people.
They don't have monkeys! And when the men come inside to see the
monkey you could ask them if they wanted to buy a phone card, to
call their mothers and sisters and girlfriends in Russia to tell
them about the wonderful little monkey!" She didn't smile. "The
owner would not allow a monkey inside" she insisted. I moved on. I
was beginning to get bored. I spotted some teachers that I worked
with; I had to avoid them; I had forgotten to read up on Ukaranian
Poets so I would have felt out of place...........again. I sneaked
past them and turned the corner.
Then I saw her! There she stood in the half lighted
little shop. At first she thought I was Russian; she said something
and I turned around. Then she spoke in English. "Where you come
from?" At first I was going to make something up, you know, at least
have a little fun, but then I remembered how the monkey joke flopped
and told her the truth. "I am from Colorado!" She smiled. Do you
want to buy some pants?" Now she really got down to business fast!
No small talk about John Elway, no questions about how long Davis
will stay, no singing ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH .........
COLORADO.........., This woman was on a mission. She was out to sell
me some black pants. Now I do have pants. In fact I have three
pairs, well actually four but one of them says GUSSE JEANS on the
back, kind of humiliating to wear around other
teachers............but anyways I really didn't need any pants. I
wanted to leave but she was already pulling a pair off the rack.
"Here, your size extra large" she held them up to me. Now I usually
don't like the color black. I usually don't like nylon. But there
was something about these pants that made my heart dance. Maybe I
was thinking about how many girls the solid gold dancers used to get
wearing similar pants! Maybe it was her hand touching my leg. There
was something in the air that made me reach into my pocket and give
her 10,000 won, some dark force or perhaps guardian angel that knew
that I needed those pants!! That night changed my life forever!
Now the first magic I noticed was about a week later
when I was late for school. I had been drinking the night before and
my tan dockers were all wrinkled and dirty. I quickly tried to wash
the red kimchi stains that somehow managed to get on my back pocket
(I don't want to think about what could have happened). It was
useless! These stains were not coming out! I was desperate! I ran
around the room, all of my clothes were dirty! Suddenly I remembered
the black pants! I went to my closet and dug through the old pizza
boxes, the piles of bills, the stacks of ungraded papers. I found
the bag, it was on the bottom of the pile. I picked it up and slowly
pulled the pants out. They magically unfolded and I could not
believe my eyes! No wrinkles! Yes! It was a miracle. In fact it was
going to change my life! I put them on, a perfect fit. I ran out the
door. As I walked down the street I felt like John Travolta walking
in Brooklyn. In fact I started humming the theme to Satarday Night
Fever as I strutted down the street. I was cool! I could feel all
eyes on me, well, I guess that is not so unusual
here.............but I felt different. I walked into my class and I
looked cool! I felt cool! I felt clean and new. Like a virgin!
Virgin pants! The whole day was going great. At lunch I ran to the
duk bolki tent. I usually eat there when I have a short break. Duk
bolki is this well, some kind of...well, I really don't know what it
is, but it is tube shaped and some pieces are long and rectangular,
and they are all being cooked in this bright red sauce, and they are
really cheap, in fact you can sneak and eat them really fast and
then tell the old woman you only ate three and give her 600 won.
Well that is when something wonderful happened. The old lady at the
tent was starting to wash some old pots. I started cramming the
little things in my mouth as she scrubbed away. All of the sudden
one of them dripping with red sauce fell right on the side of my
pants! I grabbed some napkins...........(yeah, right,) I mean some
toilet paper and frantically started cleaning. Almost at once my
pants were CLEAN! I am not kidding! In fact you could not even tell
that the accident had happened! I was stunned!
But that is just the beginning of my tale, for me and
my magic pants were to have adventures that only knights could
dream of! (part 2) .....
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